Mission Improbable
by tsukino10shi
Summary: It all started with that old gypsy fortune teller! I was that girl…happy and peaceful in my little world and she had to mess with me! And now it’s stuck in my head, that I should try to confess, that somebody like Darien would actually return my feelings!


Disclaimer: I have no intention to ever infringe any materials that belongs to the great creator of SM, all characters used here are out of affection and respect.

Readers, welcome to the new story, this is my um…well second story really. I apologize here for the overflow of black humor and parody-ish style of writing in this chapter. The Sailor Moon fandom has been around for so long that there are just so many used and abused things in which we all roll our eyes at constantly. E.g the group bitching of Darien/Mamoru, words like egotistic, jerk, ego maniac etc. You know! Don't get me wrong, I have the uttermost respect for those who created these trends, they are geniuses to say the least and honestly, I discovered the world of SM fanfics at the tender age of 14 and I've actually learnt like half of my vocabulary from these writings. So this first chapter has a lot of moments where we all get to poke fun at our own sometimes exhausted but truly mature fandom. Eventually (and hopefully), it will spin into the classic form of the romance comedy that we have all loved and will all continue to love.

I hope you enjoy the story and the inner jokes. Long live Sailor Moon and the fandom.

Xxx

CHAPTER 1

It all started with that old gypsy fortune teller! I was that girl…happy and peaceful in my little world and she had to mess with me! And now it's stuck in my head, that…that I should try to confess, that somebody like Darien would actually return my feelings…god, it sounds even more crazy now that I have it down on the papers. Let me take you back a few days to the beginning of this madness…

**EXACTLY 2 DAYS, 10 HOURS, 13 MINUTES AND 40 SECONDS AGO**

"Completely moronic." Given my programmed answer, I bobbed my head up and down while trying to figure out how many times I can cut the potato wedges. Like every other bleak day, my group of friends were gossiping over…ok scratch that, bitching about the overtly clichéd topic of the supposed biggest jerk in the galaxy: WHO ELSE but Darien Shields. It was like we had no other man in our lives.

"He just hates ALL women, a total misogynist. But you know he checked you out the other day Ray." Lita commented out of the blue and this caught me off guard. I paused in shock and looked at Ray for confirmation, I saw her blush crimson. So it was true…I was speechless.

"Like I've always said and I always will, Darien is really not that bad, if you just look past all the…" Ray was stopped in mid sentence by Mina.

"Shut up Ray, the whole world knows that you are head over heels for the jerk, admit it, you just like him course he's a hottie."

Ray rolled her eyes and stood up. "I have to go, Grandpa used that I'm gonna die old and lonely thing again." She smoothed her skirt "Don't let my absence spoil your fun, continue the bitching please, toodles!"

"Toodles." Everybody replied in unison and the game continued…

Truth was? Ray was not the only one that had a thang for Shields, in fact, I've had a crush on him since day one…ok…maybe it was day two. I was the one who started the whole 'he's the biggest self righteous, ego bloated jerk ever' rumor, because that's just what some girls do when they have a crush right? BEEP. Fine, I'm a coward!

See, I was obsessed ok? Not quite to the point of stalking, I just wanted to talk about him…all day long, but it just…it wasn't ok, because he's in college and we are in high school and…right, he hates me, HE HATES ME! He despise me, because I'm a klutz and dim-witted. There is no way…that someone like HIM would EVER love…or even like me. Thus…I resolved to these insults whenever I wanted to bring him up...it helped to disguise my hopeless unrequited infatuation.

Hey! Don't look at me like that readers, you all know the story, don't pretend that you've never heard about it…the time when the shoe landed on his gorgeous head followed by the marvelous exam paper in which I scored 28 in? Ah huh…you are remembering now aren't you? Told you so, its hopeless.

I was on my way home, innocently striding down the alley, and it was like she popped out of a low budget film. The women clad in a forest green veil stopped me midway.

"I see your destiny darling…and it's only two fifty. Limited offer until 26th of December 2009." She smiled, half of her teeth were missing and the other half might as well have been.

"Huh?" Was my first response, then it occurred to me that it was on sale…no no no…sorry my hand is on crack, I'm not that stupid ha ha..ha…ha, I meant that it occurred to me it was scam. "I have to go home lady, I'm sorry…"

"Alright, fine, free for you my darling since you are the main character of the bloody story." Ok, that wasn't exactly what happened, but nevertheless, for the sake of drama. (And to conceal the fact that I fell into the lowest form of consumer trap, that gypsy had sale on 366 days a year!) ((naughty hand!))

So what can a girl do but graciously accept the kindness from an elderly, thus I stepped into her little…tent thing and took a seat.

"What would you like to know my sweet?" Of course, the women had a crystal ball.

I want to know why the thing still had a sticker from Toy R Us, where is her work ethics? Her bloody integrity? At least try to help us consumers suspend our disbelief?

"Well there is this guy." I heard my mouth say.

"Lets see…the name of your true love is…reveal it to me magical ball!" She mumbled for a while, doing the hand thing with the plasti…crystal ball. "I get M…no…C…ahh…its D…"

"I never asked for…Oh D?! As in his first name starts with D?" I stared at her, there are a LOT of names that starts with D, you can probably find an encyclopedia on 'baby names D-E'. For all I know, it might have been Donald, Dick or Da Vinci, but of course I was already 99% sure that it was Darien.

"First name, last name, same thing, I answer one question for the price, you want more answers you pay more." So with that I paid her another two fifty…I am a sucker I know.

So eventually I got this…some poem I suppose…

Destiny of life a prior

Thy Fate of today

A knight without a shinning armor

Will come to thee astray

Look past his demeanor

Is where thy true love lay

Thou must play the initiator

And it has to begin today

What what WHAT? First of all, that's the lamest poem I've ever read, probably written by some third grade poet wannabe who in reality is writing online fanfics for some anime. And second of all…today?! Initiate? So I HAVE TO TRY GET DARIEN TO LIKE ME TODAY?

"You must grasp the tail of youth before it slips away and leave you with eternal regret." The gypsy spared her last wisdom and I expected her to fall to the ground and spew blood…unfortunately, it does not happen. For god's sake I'm sixteen, she could've at least rehearsed different lines for separate demographic groups right? Once again, we are talking about work ethics here.

"Right…so what does the today mean?" She gave me this look that said, show-me-the-money, I winced and patted my empty pocket.

She huffed "Are you illiterate? Today means the present…now, N-O-W, start working on it babe!"

Did she just say babe?!…well never mind, it's a crazy world this one I live in I tell ya. So that was how it began, I skipped home happily with the madness planted in my head.

That night, by the electric lamp, I began writing beautiful, elegant, love letters filled with longing. The garbage can took the first 56 editions and I was onto my 57th when Sammy interrupted and told me that I had a call. It turned out to be Mina and her boredom, I quickly reassured her that world peace will prevail, hungry kids would be fed, prince charming will come and Paris Hilton will find her long lost panties eventually…maybe not the last one. But a girl can hope.

So I returned to my work 30 minutes later… and I realized after so much failure that what I lacked was inspiration! Mina…and her conversation gave me exactly that! Voila, it was though the letter had written itself.

57th EDITION OF THE LETTER

Dear Darien:

We live in a cruel and cynical world, some go hungry though they are merely children, some are born in wars though they long for peace, some people live in poverty, and some are surrounded by wealth but their hearts in emotional paucity. However one vital element can resolve all these brutality. One small yet infinite thing that people so hesitantly seize, it is free, given by god in the beginning. Yet, as a human race, we've always tightfisted this one gift, afraid that it would bare our vulnerability. Must we be so fearful? I've come to the realization today that, the answer is no! We should embrace the world, embrace life and share this endowment, in the simple form of a small little word.

L-O-V-E

As a result, I have placed this gift on paper, wrapped it with my courage and I hope for your understanding and acceptance.

Darien I L-O-V-E Y-O-U, I have for a long time, my days begin and end with you on my mind. I sit with my friends in the corner of the Crown arcade everyday because you are there, I pretend to be nonchalant, yet my heart flutter at the sight of you and some emotions I cannot describe in words. I see through those cold resolves of yours…I know you deserve a lot more than what people give you credit for, that you are a caring and wonderful person underneath the demeanor. That's why I open my heart to you…I don't expect you to replicate my feelings, I only wish this letter would warm your heart, let you know that one more little person in this big world loves you with all her heart.

And that was the letter; I carefully copied it onto a red letter paper bordered by roses that I had found at the bottom of my draw with my most graceful swirled handwriting and folded it into an enveloped, wrote down the address I knew by heart in which I had bribed out of Andrew. (He thought I wanted to bomb Darien's apartment and found it amusing) I literally ran out of the house in excitement, it was 6:30, maybe later even. This might be the single most significant moment in my life, well at least I thought so during the moment. It was a short five minutes to the postal box.

I clutched the letter to my chest for the longest two seconds with a wide idiotic smile on my face, gave it a good luck kiss and shoved it into the slot. That was it, irreversible.

It only occurred to me the next morning while I was brushing my teeth that all these images were not some funny nightmarish dream. I had spitted out the foul tasting toothpaste and rushed to my desk and stared at the draft that lay there, glaring back at me with blankness…blankness of the state of mind I was in when I wrote it.

For ten minutes I had OMG on repeat in my mind and I gradually realized what I had sent, a laughable piece of junk that began with World Vision ad which proceeded into the lamest Gospel styled preaching and finished on the climatic note of nonsensical blabber. OMFG.

There was one thing I was sure at that very moment…in two business days, I'd be in big trouble.

Thus we return to the present…the N-O-W, it's a sunny afternoon, but humid northwest wind are feeding a trough off the east coast, generating a shower over the southeast…ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. Sorry, I was trying to avoid the topic. Look, my palms are literally leaking with sweat and this is my 6th cup of diet coke.

"SERENA!!!" And Ray is screaming into my face.

"WHA?" I reply in a similar volume.

"No need to yell meatball head." Ray smirks. "What's on your mind any ways? Spaghettis? Or have you been on the moon for the past 26 minutes."

"Yeah…you are acting really weird today Sere, you ok?" Amy leaned over the table in genuine concern.

I shrug, "I'm alright, just thinking about the meaning of life."

"Uh huh…" Ray shakes her head like she just heard something mad.

"Oh here he comes…" Mina nudged Ray, who quickly checked over her appearance on her cell phone screen, and plastered a beautiful seductive smile on her face. Did I ever mention that Ray almost signed up to a modeling agent? No? Well now you know, she's one stunning babe. But oh fuck, Darien is HERE! Did he receive the letter? Why is he walking this way, he NEVER approaches me when I am in group status, he only attacks when he catches me alone…right? Oh Shit…I'm praying that he has the hots for Ray, please god let it be RAAAYYYY.

No such luck, the man candy was approaching us on a casual stride, looking sharp in his lab coat. He had on a crooked smile that I wanted to slap off. And his eyes…buggar, the chap was looking at ME, his eyes sparkling with amusement! NOT RAY! I opened my mouth to throw him insults in a meager attempt to drive him away, but they never made their way out. He was too fast.

"Hi girls, sorry to interrupt your small talk but I have something important to ask somebody here." The bastard paused, scanning over the group with a polite (cunning is more like it) smile…he was intentionally torturing me, creating drama so that my fall would be all the more catastrophic. "I received a…shall I say generous gift this morning, and I want to speak to the sender." I looked anywhere but at Darien and found a small group of audience led by Andrew over at the counter and Ray looked like Dory from Finding Nemo, she was lost.

Then everything somehow moved in slow motion, I could see his lips protruding slowly to form the first vowel of the name and in the background cut in the famous four note motive from the 1st movement of Beethoven's 5th symphony. Dah Dah Dah Dum! Dah Dah Dah Dum! Watch it on youtube if you don't know which one it is. I saw Andrew overflowing somebody's cup while watching the scene from afar, I saw the liquid oozing out of the cup drop by drop, they fell with grace like….wait…REWIND!

"What did you just say?" I'm sure I was mistaken but that was not a three syllable name Darien had just pronounced…it was more like, one syllable.

"Ray…I said Ray." He blinked, looking almost as surprised as Ray.

"Oh…um great, I mean yes! You go girl!" I laughed dryly, Ray mouthed what to me and I shrugged my shoulders. It was the most unexpected turn of events I tell you, like god had finally heard my prayers. But why was my heart sinking like that? Oh I'm such a covet desperado.

The two walked out of the arcade to a not so well hidden corner as half the arcade eavesdropped the exchange. I couldn't hear a thing, but it wasn't hard to guess, within 2 minutes, Ray was covering her mouth in what appeared to be shock. She then bobbed her head up and down eagerly with a fierce blush. In no time she came scurrying back, flushed.

"OMG! He asked me out!! Tonight! Can you believe it guys?" My heart clutched like a used sponge, what was worse? Having your crush reject you publicly after a confession or to know that he simply doesn't give a shit, course he just asked one of your best friends out?

"Congratulations." I said, smiling as my heart shattered piece by piece across the table, look, there's the big piece.

"You guys are the best, thank you so much for what you did, I would've never had the guts to do it myself…but omg at least somebody should've given me a hint…" Ray couldn't stop talking, she was definitely over the top.

"Honey…what are you talking about…what did we do?" Mina was confused, she looked at Lita, Lita turned to Amy who turned to look at me quizzically and I looked back at Mina for help.

"You know…the letter! It's ingenious, Darien said he read the most touching love letter ever written, and it had my name on it!"

WHAT? That INGENIOUS love letter, does not happen to be MY ingenious piece of art right? My…sentimental perspectives of changing the world, my touching religious innuendos and poetic portrayal of love which can be comparable to great works like Love Actually or Pride and Prejudice…but why did it have Ray's name on it?

I thought back to the letter, the envelope, it was blank, the paper…THE PAPER! I had found the paper at the bottom of my draw, finding it appropriate for the occasion since rose represented love and passion. Yet, I failed to remember at the time that those beautiful rose bordered letter papers were a souvenir I had 'borrowed' from the Kino Shrine half a year ago. Oh, its karma. The letter had personalized footers at the bottom inside one of the rose buds that read Kino and it had the shrine's address and contact number on the back. Being me, I also forgot to date or sign the bloody thing which meant that it looked like a love letter from…Ray…

"What letter…I didn't write it, Amy?" Mina furrowed her brows, thinking hard I suppose. Amy shook her head and Lita gawked at Mina.

"Um…I admit it, it was me…" my heart thumped away like crazy, there was no other choice, if Darien ever showed it to Ray, she would've recognized my handwriting anyway. After all, it's the type of swirled handwriting that they see every year on their Christmas and Birthday cards.

"You!" Ray had tears in her eyes now…literally, she came up and hugged me. "I apologize Serena for every insult I've said to you, I know you always hated Darien…but you still did this for me. Thank you!" I winced, and hugged her back mechanically.

"No worries…what's a friend for…right?" They'd never guess that I actually had a crush on Darien…after all we are mortal enemies, and I suppose with the events turning out this way, I might as well maintain the facade…

Xxx

Oh I had so much fun with this one; hope you guys enjoyed it too. Tell me what you liked or disliked about it. Thanks for reading. Chao!


End file.
